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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30080163">Accepted</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dotdotbeepdot/pseuds/Dotdotbeepdot'>Dotdotbeepdot</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Self-Indulgent [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders has Intrusive Thoughts, Deceit | Janus Sanders is a Good Friend, Explanations, Gen, Head the Tags, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mentioned abuse but no actual abuse, Mentioned incest but no actual incest, Panicking, Violent Thoughts, definitely not romanticized I want to see absolutely no remrom shippers here, mentioned non-con touching but again none, more like harmful stimming but hes still hurting himself so yeah, they're all intrusive thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:06:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,047</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30080163</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dotdotbeepdot/pseuds/Dotdotbeepdot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is just a really self-indulgent piece of a daydream I had. Pretty much it's how I would want Remus to get accepted and also me projecting my own intrusive thoughts on him that are much darker than Thomas' lol</p><p>I beg you to read the tags for this one.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dukceit if you want but I had no ship in mind, None</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Self-Indulgent [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1652389</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ever since his debut, Remus has been a metaphorical wound in everyone’s side. He wasn’t as terrible as that one day when Thomas was so stressed out about his humanity and meeting a new part of himself, but he has been a daily nuisance now that he was allowed to pop up. Even if it was just a quick quip and he was gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t going to just sit and be a good little boy now that people are listening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Problem was, the more he showed up, the more they learned about him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus bounced on his heels beside his brother, looking around as they all talked over each other and Thomas. It was funny to see Janus being included in the conversation, he may be frustrated now, but Remus knows he’s happy to be listened to. Even if the main four’s idea of listening was very loose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus still had to fight for attention though. He hasn’t yet gained Thomas’ affections. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you adore Nico, Thomas,” Janus raised his hands to quiet down all the shouting. “But you’re showing signs of codependency again and I’m just saying that if you don’t make some boundaries, you’ll end up hurt again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nico didn’t mean to take advantage of me, okay?” Thomas rubbed his forehead in exasperation. “He needed a shoulder to cry on and I was his first choice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you should have talked to him and told him you couldn’t handle it at the moment. You weren’t in the right place mentally to have someone else’s problems dumped on your shoulders.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But that feels so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>icky.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Patton whispered the word like it was sin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Icky like how?” Remus piped up, making both Patton and Roman jump as they didn’t notice him appear (despite standing right next to them). “I have a few ideas! How about—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Patton is right,” Virgil cut him off rudely. He’s always so rude to him. Stupid rude bastard that is like a sexy vampire. All wrapped up in so many layers leave so much to the imagination. “He’s gonna think Thomas is clingy and then he’s not gonna want to hang out with him anymore and where is that gonna leave us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Nico is more than just a </span>
  <em>
    <span>person to hang out with </span>
  </em>
  <span>to Thomas!” Roman shouted, tossing his arms around like a mad man. It was comical and made Remus laugh. He sent him a glare, but no more acknowledgement. “He is cute and kind and we </span>
  <em>
    <span>deserve </span>
  </em>
  <span>a man like him to pull us out of this dark time. Who’s to say we can’t do the same for him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico was a cutie. Also very biteable. Like a little fleshy biscuit. Remus wondered what the rest of his body looked like. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you Nico is in bed?” He said without realizing he had interrupted someone. “Do you think he likes to be on top or bottom? Oh, do you think he likes—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright! Alright!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, Tommy, we all know you like it on the—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton raised his hands a little too quickly, ready to stop him short with a comment about their original topic, but Remus flinched. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone froze. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span> covered </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit</span>
  </em>
  <span> on a </span>
  <em>
    <span>dick. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton quickly pulled his hands to his chest, looking sick and pale when Remus flinched again, his own arms coming up halfway to shield himself. He dropped them and forced a sharp grin. It’s fine, they won’t mention it. Nothing was gonna happen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>God fucking fuck. Now they decide to pay attention to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it was nothing!” Remus clapped his hands together, getting mildly annoyed when no one jumped at the noise. “Anyways, as I was saying—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you—” Patton chokes. Remus looks away in discomfort, looking at the others. They were all the same as Patton, or some variation of that. Janus and Virgil seemed just as uncomfortable as Remus was, all things considering. Roman and Thomas looked almost in shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This wasn’t going to end well, he could see that now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sense when were you so jumpy?” Roman said. Remus laughs a little too hard at that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Roman.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What! You can’t tell me you all aren’t thinking the same thing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus can guarantee he wasn’t thinking the same thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-I don’t understand,” Patton brought attention back to him. He looked heartbroken. About </span>
  <em>
    <span>him </span>
  </em>
  <span>was still the part Remus was stuck on. “Why did— Why did you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a normal reaction, Daddy,” Remus rocked on his heels, trying to act like everything was normal. Which it was a little. He has thoughts like this daily so it isn’t like this is anything new besides the others seeing him react to those thoughts. “You know, someone lifts their hand, you expect to be hit, that’s just how it is!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus, this isn’t a conversation we should—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>expect </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>hit,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Thomas spoke so softly and it reminded Remus of Janus. If it wasn’t for the fact that his voice was soft with pity and not that gross caring </span>
  <em>
    <span>love </span>
  </em>
  <span>that Jannie used. “Remus, did you really think Patton would hit you? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Patton?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Remus scoffed repeatedly and gestured around. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I </span>
  </em>
  <span>know Patton would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>hit anyone. It’s just my job, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Job?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus isn’t implying anything about Patton,” Janus cut Remus off before he could clarify what he meant. He gestured back towards him. “Patton has never hurt him on purpose.”</span>
</p><p><em><span>“On</span></em> <em><span>purpose?”</span></em></p><p>
  <span>“Patton’s never hurt anyone!” Virgil snapped. He scratched the back of his head. “Remus is just… like this. He has thoughts about these things all the time and they always mean nothing! Like Logan said.”</span>
</p><p><span>“‘Mean nothing?’ Virgil isn’t that </span><em><span>very</span></em> <em><span>kind</span></em><span> of you. Definitely not </span><em><span>demeaning </span></em><span>to Remus </span><em><span>at all.” </span></em><span>Janus rolled his eyes. He and Virgil still weren’t getting along even after getting accepted by Thomas. Just like the old days, nothing but shouting and empty threats ringing in Remus’ head for days on end. </span></p><p>
  <span>“Alright, let's get along now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus thinks about this </span>
  <em>
    <span>all the time?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not all I think about,” Remus jumped in, elbowing his strangely quiet brother. “I have thoughts about you guys all the time! Roman, of fucking course, is the star of a lot of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman blinked. “What? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Me?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Janus too!” Remus pointed at the deceitful side excitedly. He couldn’t help it, he always gets excited when people start acknowledging him. “I always think about him getting tired of me and leaving me or poisoning my food until I’m completely paralyzed and dependent on him entirely or—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, wait, wait,” Thomas stops him short. Remus is honestly kind of grateful for that, he didn’t think he could stop on his own once he started. He can feel his mind slipping off into those thoughts now, actually. “You have intrusive thoughts too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That wasn’t something he expected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course he does?” Janus was just as surprised by the question as Remus was. “How did you think he got these ideas? He literally </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>intrusive thoughts?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We thought he just liked them like normal ideas?” Roman said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I do!” says Remus, bouncing back into focus (literally). “I love my thoughts! Most of them anyways. The ones I tell Thomas and you guys I love, but the ones about hurting you guys or hurting myself or you guys hurting me or some spicy interactions with all of you I’m… not a big fan of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like thoughts of having sex with Roman,” he shouldn’t have brought up his thoughts, now that’s all he could think about and it made him nauseous. And not in the good way. “I hate those. And of Janus touching me when I don’t want him too. And Virgil too. Patton hitting me and yelling at him constantly. Hitting someone because I like it and I like to see their pain. Logan—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus didn’t realize he'd been rambling. Nor did he realize that he was breathing heavily and scaring the others. Scarring them in a different way, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus was the one to bring him out of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you go to my room and relax, okay?” Remus nodded quickly, trying his best to keep his eyes on Janus and not look around at everyone’s judgment. Janus’ face was understanding and nice. “I’ll handle this. If you feel like you need me, than just come get me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus nodded again. Another thought burst into his head and he swallowed back a whimper and at the image of forcing Janus to his knees. His chest burned at the repression, but he didn’t want to have Janus retract his statement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sank out quickly and crashed down onto his couch. He quickly scrambled to grab one of his notebooks and write down some of his thoughts, drawing a few crude sketches relating to them too when he ran out of words. Anything to get these thoughts out before they totally consumed him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Janus…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus opened his eyes, having closed them to try and figure out how the conversation had gotten away from him so fast. He looked at Thomas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clarity, dear, it goes a long way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why does he think of those things about us?” Patton whispered. It was strange to hear him so worried about Remus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus rolled his eyes. “Well, where should I start? He’s spent almost his entire life being repressed because of his thoughts, he’s been thrown away and abandoned more times than I can count, </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>he’s universally hated by everyone here excluding myself. I truly wonder how he could think such things about you all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was silence after his rant. Janus didn’t care how deep his words hit. All he cared about right now was taking care of this and going back to Remus to make sure he was okay. He crossed his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did he mean by job?” Thomas asked cautiously. They all too seemed cautious to talk. “I thought he was just creativity?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is,” Janus said. “It’s his job to think creatively, but he specializes in more ‘negative’ aspects of creativity. That’s where his thoughts about Patton come in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But why would he think that?” Roman said. He scoffed, looking almost scared with the news. Janus tilted his head. Odd. “I mean, what’s making him think those things? Why can’t he think about good things like the rest of us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like the rest of— oh, that had to be a joke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus laughed falsely. “Like the rest of us? Oh, sure, Virgil over here and Patton sure do keep things positive. What, with believing Thomas was such a bad person for so long. And what about you and Logan? Aren’t you two just filled with love for yourself, confident and proud of yourself and your actions, hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all shrank into themselves. Either seething or writhing with guilt. Janus couldn’t bother to feel sympathetic for them. This conversation was long overdue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus specializes in bad thoughts, but he’s Creativity. He doesn’t believe in them just like Thomas doesn’t. Or else that implies one part of him does believe in these thoughts, which we have learned that he doesn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas frowned, thinking about Janus’ words. He was listening and that was fantastic. Janus still can’t get over how happy it makes him to see them considering his words, especially now about Remus. Maybe he could get them to understand him and they can finally start to </span>
  <em>
    <span>heal </span>
  </em>
  <span>like Janus has been trying to get him to for practically his whole life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like when writing a villain?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus focused back in on the conversation. He nodded at Thomas to continue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When writing a bad character, you write them saying things and doing things that you wouldn’t do,” Thomas looked at Roman. The Prince blinked at him, confused. “You go to a darker part of your creativity to write that character. When you want to write tragedy, you go there too. Like Romeo and Juliet—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Roman interjected with waving arms and a nervous laugh. “Let’s not compare the romantic </span>
  <em>
    <span>classic </span>
  </em>
  <span>that is Romeo and Juliet to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Remus.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Roman, that play is a perfect example to use,” Thomas said firmly. Janus smiled. “It’s about immature love, death, and unhappy endings. If Shakespeare used your creativity for that play, it might’ve not been such a masterpiece as it was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman scoffed, but didn’t object further. He was starting to understand, it seems. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus doesn’t believe in his intrusive thoughts. Yeah, some of them he might support and actually do, but they’re just ideas to him. Right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas turned to Janus and so did all the other eyes. Janus smiled, a real smile, and nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus is a very honest person,” Janus began. “But because of that, no one sticks around long to understand that he doesn’t mean the things he says.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janus.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All eyes turned to Patton. The moral side looked like all energy was stripped from him. Janus was rather worried for him. He’s been dumped with a lot of heavy topics for such a long time now and has been forced to grow a lot. It’s good that he’s growing, but it is horribly draining to having almost every conversation about such complex subjects. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He swallowed. “Can you check on Remus? And tell him… well, i-if he wants to… tell him he’s welcome around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Both Roman and Virgil shouted. Janus smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” he sent a triumphant look to both of the sides who objected before becoming serious once again. He turned to Thomas. “But I need to hear it from him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas blinked and opened his mouth. He stumbled with his words for a second. “Of course, Janus. Remus is welcomed now that I understand him a little more. Can I ask that he… tries to hold in some of his thoughts though?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m afraid not, but!” Janus clapped loudly and grinned. He couldn’t wait to tell his friend the news. “I got your approval and now nothing can stop us!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, truly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus sank out, leaving them all with that ominous statement. He loved to tease them with his silly empty threats. He still had the grin on his face when he appeared in his room, searching for Remus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My love, I have </span>
  <em>
    <span>wonderful </span>
  </em>
  <span>news—!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus stopped when he caught sight of his friend. Remus was hugging one of his many plushies close, rocking in place with a scatter of papers and notebooks around him. Nonetheless, he perked up and smiled when Janus showed his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, dear…” Janus whispered. He straightened and smiled anyways. It was much easier to fake a smile in here than outside his room. “Anything good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus shook his head. “No. It’s all just sex and pain. Not painful sex though, more like incest and abuse which isn’t fun and sexy.” Janus frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Poor bab,” he sat down next to him. Raising his arm, he silently asked for permission to touch him. Remus nodded and sunk into Janus’ side. He was still so much taller than the other, so Janus had to stretch a little just to reach over Remus’ back. “Do you want me to tell you the good news now or would you like to wait?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it about the others?” He muttered into Janus’ hat. “Did you shave Roman’s head finally?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not yet no,” Janus laughed. “No, but it is about the others. We had a talk about you and what you mean to Thomas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already know he hates me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, dear,” Janus pulled back and took Remus by his chin, making him snicker at the manhandling. He always liked being manhandled. “I mean, he’s accepted you as a useful part of himself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus’ expression dropped and his eyes widened until his eyelids practically disappeared into his skull. Janus smiled genuinely at the reaction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome to come hang out with them now whenever you wish. With little complaints.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus shoved him away and laughed. Janus fell off the couch, but he didn’t care, laughing along with the surprisingly light laughter. Remus jumped from the couch and pulled Janus off the ground entirely. He squealed and spun around in pure excitement. Janus was thrilled Remus was taking this well so far, but he was starting to feel dizzy with all the jumping around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus, I know you're excited, but I’m going to throw up if you keep doing this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, shit, my bad,” Remus quickly dropped Janus back on the couch, but he was still much too excited to stop bouncing around. He did stop in his tracks though and crowd Janus on the couch. “Wait! Does that mean I get to talk to them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All of them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And they won’t yell at me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I can’t guarantee that, but you have Thomas’ support if they do try to start anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus bounced back off the couch. “That’s good enough for me! Oh! I have so much I can talk about now with Thomas’ permission! I need my journals!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus watched him throw around even more papers and notebooks, looking through them to see if any of them were good enough to share. It was nice to see him so excited about this, he had a bad feeling that Remus wouldn’t be this excited after a few weeks. Roman and Virgil were still a little hard to deal with, but Patton and Logan were kind to him. He knew it would be harder for Remus, he didn’t have the ability to put on a mask and act, it hurt him if he even tried. He was always his authentic self and they aren’t very fond of that self.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Janus will help him adjust. He wasn’t going to leave Remus to deal with this adjustment on his own.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>extra chapter because I realized that acceptance isn't one sided my man</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Remus kicked his feet in the air, hanging upside down in the Core part of the mind on their couch. The tv was on, but he was just watching the others on the couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s been living up here for a month now and he could definitely be happier. Not to say he wasn’t happier, but life was weird now. People talked to him now, they didn’t ignore him as much as they did before. Virgil and Roman still left the room when he was there, but slowly, Roman was getting more used to his presence. Patton liked to humor him by laughing nervously at some of his jokes. It was an interesting time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus didn’t like it as much as he thought he would. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Attention made him nervous. He liked it, but he didn’t like it. It was nice having them smile at him instead of glare, but they were treating him so differently. It was strange how they could just… change their minds about him just because of a little slip up. It was too much at times. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t make sense to him. He’s always been terrible, his ideas were horrific, his mind was grotesque. That’s what everyone said and that’s what he believed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What’s different now that he was allowed around the others?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe they forgot? Remus hasn’t exactly been on his best behavior, but they’ve been turning a blind eye on him because of that stupid little slip up awhile back. Maybe they saw him as this thing to be pitied because they got the smallest little glance into his mind for once. They just forgot how horrible he really is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he decided to remind them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus was grinning as he knocked on Virgil’s door, tupperware of cookies he had made with Patton in his hands. He bounced on his heels as he waited for his dear anxious nightmare to answer. When he still wasn’t getting an answer, he knocked another six times on the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What</span>
  </em>
  <span> do you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil cut him off at the fifth knock. Remus still reached out to finish the pattern on Virgil’s forehead and grinned. He shoved the tupperware into his gut, winding him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pat-ton made cook-ies!” He sang, breaking up the words. Virgil narrowed his eyes and stepped back slightly, making sure to still be in the doorway so that Remus couldn’t sneak in. “Try some! They’re really good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>“Patton</em> made them?” Fucking bitch, Virgil knew him too well. Time for plan B.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shoved a cookie in Virgil’s mouth and ran.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Remus! </span>
  </em>
  <span>What the― Oh my god, </span>
  <em>
    <span>what did you put in this?!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus crashed into someone, which was not a good thing considering he was supposed to be fleeing for his life. They both tumbled onto the ground, Remus falling gracelessly on top. He was shoved off immediately and Remus finally realized he had crashed into a </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>angry Logan.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Remus.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The Duke yelped and scampered past him, heading straight for the basement. He could hear more than those two pairs of footsteps chasing after him, but thankfully, Remus made his escape and locked the door before they could catch him. He smiled at the screaming on the other side. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What is wrong with you!?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s more like it. What </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>wrong with him. Not was, </span>
  <em>
    <span>is. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed happily, bouncing away from the door and down the stairs. He’ll have to go back up eventually― if they don’t kick him out because of this― but for now, he’ll stay in the safety of the basement where they all refused to go. They might get over this soon or Remus might have to spend a night or two down here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unless Janus talks to them. They </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> forgave him easily when Janus talked to them. What the hell he was saying about him, Remus couldn’t say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you do, Remus?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Speak of the sexy devil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Jan-man!” Remus threw his hands in the air happily. He giggled. “Wow, it’s been awhile since we’ve been down here, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Thursday was so long ago for you, wasn’t it?” Remus deflated slowly, swallowing. Fuck, he should have known that he knew Remus was sneaking out to stay in the basement. Janus didn’t look happy about it either. “What are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Escaping punishment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus refused to look at him. He didn’t know why he was so afraid of Janus being mad at him. Janus hasn’t ever done anything to make him afraid, but sometimes Remus wonders if he goes too far, then Janus </span>
  <em>
    <span>would </span>
  </em>
  <span>do something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He flinched hard when something wrapped around his wrist. Janus pulled his hand away, but still kept it close. Remus’ hands were clenched into fist and raised to his head. It didn’t feel like he had hit himself, but he might’ve been about to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck, Janus doesn’t like it when he does that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to me,” Janus whispered. Remus tried playing off his slip up by scratching his chin and waving him off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing to talk about! Really!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a worse liar than Logan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so maybe I’m stressed out and confused, but Virgil’s always like that, so you should talk to him first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s―” he snapped his jaw shut and dropped his hands, patting them against his thighs. “It’s nothing, Jannie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus wasn’t looking at him and somehow that was making him more freaked than when he is looking at him. He risked a quick glance, but froze at the expression he saw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus wasn’t wearing a mask or hiding anything. He looked upset. Angry, sad, confused, even a little scared. And he wasn’t trying to hide it now that Remus was looking at him. Remus didn’t like this look from Janus. It wasn’t right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? What is it?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus just shook his head and sighed through his nose. He turned his head towards the stairs. The others had left a while ago, just a little after Janus arrived. Why was he thinking about them? Was he upset at them and not Remus? That would be great if so, then Remus wouldn’t have to worry about ever seeing that look again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know why you are trying to keep this a secret, but please, Remy,” Remus swallowed at the old nickname. Janus turned back towards him and he looked down at his feet. “If you need to talk, find me. Don’t try ruining your relationships with the others for whatever you are going through.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus didn’t respond. Janus smoothed out his hair― Remus holding back another flinch― before sinking down, presumingly to try and get information from the others. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ruining. He shouldn’t be trying to ruin all of Janus’ hard work to get him up there with them. But this just proves his point even more! He’s terrible! Always has been terrible like everyone’s always said! They expect so much out of him now just because he’s got Thomas’ approval. Why are they all doing this?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s all just </span>
  <em>
    <span>so confusing.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He was starting to get frustrated with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One more interesting thing that Remus had yet to get used to in this side of the mind is that they still got together and spent time together even after fights. Back in the basement, Virgil would always storm off in a huff and Janus had a bad habit of ignoring tension until it was too late to fix. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So it still confused him when he was summoned for a calming night in the commons after the cookie fiasco. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t complain though. If he could use this to convince Janus that everything was fine and he wasn’t keeping anything from him (unlikely), then he’ll do it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Thomas?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Remus?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He giggled. That was still so weird. “We should try eating rotten meat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would he do that?” Logan asked. He seemed to have forgotten about that whole mess earlier that day. Kind of annoying. “That would cause an immense amount of problems to his digestive system.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But don’t you ever </span>
  <em>
    <span>wonder </span>
  </em>
  <span>what a dead raccoon would taste like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I really don’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus cackled again and bounced on the back of the couch, almost falling behind it. Patton let out a small, obviously fake laugh. Remus stopped smiling and his lip twitched into a snarl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Has Patton always been this patronizing? Or Pat-ronizing. Maybe that’s where he got his name from? He did seem to patronize all of them all the time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so Pat-ronizing, Patton,” Remus chuckles at his stupid joke. He rolls out onto the couch, still laughing even if no one else is. “Get it? It’s patronizing but with Pat in front of it? Because Patton is so fake? I think it’s funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a mean pun…” Patton mumbled, slouching in his seat. He perked back up however and tried to smile at Remus. “But it is a good one!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna start calling you Pat-ronize if you keep this up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus,” Janus gave him that mom look when he wanted him to behave. Remus blew a raspberry and slouched dramatically down the couch until his back was completely against the seat and his shirt was riding up. “Patton is only trying to get along. That’s more than I can say for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>trying, </span>
  </em>
  <span>but―” Remus cuts himself off by biting his tongue. He didn’t want to give Janus his answer. He didn’t want to do anything stupid, but that’s so hard if you never think things through and you’re getting so fucking frustrated and you don’t know how to handle all this change.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pain exploded between his eyes and he heard shouting around him. He blinks hard, trying to fish his vision out of the darkness that had drowned it suddenly. He feels someone grabbing his face and moving it, not roughly or fast, but it still hurt like fuck. When his vision returns to him, he sees Logan in front of him and staring him in the eye. Remus tried looking away, but Logan snaps his fingers and tilts his chin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, no, look at me,” he says. Remus wants to be defiant like usual, but Janus is next to him and looking at him is so much worse, so he ignores the painful feeling in his stomach and meets Logan’s eye. Logan stares and searches him with such dark blue eyes. He’s got really pretty eyes. Remus would totally like to pickle them. “He’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan lets go and moves back. “Now open your mouth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus regrets speaking as soon as he does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He bit his tongue a little too hard it seems because it stings and throbs in his mouth (heh). He could feel blood filling and spilling past his teeth and his lips, dripping down his chin, when he moved his tongue around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Swearing, his hand comes up to wipe the blood off with his sleeve, but Logan stops him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t touch it, you might hurt yourself more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What the hell was that?!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Roman shouted, startlingly close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Everyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>was here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus just hummed in his confusion as Logan looked around in his mouth, tiny little flashlight in his hand probably to see the wound better. It still hurt, but less than talking. He glanced over at his brother and was surprised to see him hovering over him worriedly, along with Patton and Thomas, Virgil behind them and looking over their shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just―” Thomas fumbled with his words, gesturing vaguely at him and something behind them. “You―”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>banged </span>
  </em>
  <span>your head into the coffee table!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, shit.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothin’!” Remus blurts out, wincing at the pain it caused his tongue. He shut his mouth, almost chomping down on Logan’s little flashlight. He healed his wound so it stopped bleeding, but it still stung like a bitch. “Nothin’ to worry about. Didn’t mean to ruin everyone’s night this time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t ruin anything.” Janus whispered to him. His hand was hovering by Remus’ arm, wanting to touch him, but knowing his adverseness to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“’m ruining our chances,” he seemed to have resetted his tongue instead of just healing it. Damn thing was ratting him out. “‘m ruinin’ everyone’s dynamics and fuckin’ up everythin’ because I don’t understand anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all almost looked as confused as Remus has felt this entire month. Almost. Remus thinks he still takes the cake when it comes to not knowing what the fuck changed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Patton asks softly. He sits beside Logan and tries to look calm and collected for him. Remus always saw so much of Janus in him, but right now it’s like they’re the same person. “Are we making you feel… left out? Or like a burden?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus shakes his head, letting out a high noise when it made the world spin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno what I’m feeling,” he admits and feels naked. Not in the fun way though, more exposed and vulnerable. “My ideas are bad and terrible, but you guys are pretending they aren’t anymore and I don’t get what changed? And you all didn’t care about me poisoning you today―”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You what?” Thomas says, getting ignored except for Virgil putting his hand on his shoulder to silently tell him to be quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re all trying to understand me which doesn’t make sense because you’ve never done that before. Am I fucking crazier than usual or what? Why is everything different now? What happened to the shit we knew?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You still think you’re bad…” Janus whispers, finally finding out his secret. Remus huffed and crossed his arms, slouching against the couch. He was starting to get claustrophobic with how close everyone was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am bad, but I don’t care about that,” Remus says. “I know I’m bad and that doesn’t matter because I like being bad, but you guys aren’t supposed to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He jumps and twists away when Patton places his hand on his arm, curling more towards Janus. He didn’t want to do that either, so he pulls himself onto the couch and climbs over the back of it until he’s on his feet behind it. The three on the floor stand up too and it’s like the whole room was hit with a freeze ray. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus is tempted to gouge his fingers into his eyes to stop seeing they’re stupid fucking pity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently, he almost does because Janus is grabbing his wrist gently and pulling them back down away from his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we head to my room—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Roman interjects. His expression is hard, but his eyes and body language are conflicted. “Every time something happens with Remus, you take him to your room and we never talk about it. Well, that’s not how we handle things! We talk things through, even if we end up fighting!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uh oh, Roman just poked mama bear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus glared at Roman, hissing as he spoke. “Don’t talk to me about helping Remus when you are part of the problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I can’t attempt to </span>
  <em>
    <span>solve </span>
  </em>
  <span>that problem if you shelter him from any conflict!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus can’t handle conflict like this alone! He just smashed his skull against the table just </span>
  <em>
    <span>thinking </span>
  </em>
  <span>about it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, that wasn’t—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Roman has a point,” Virgil cut in, stepping closer yet still shrinking into his hoodie. He looked over at Thomas and explained. “Janus’ room is pretty much the go to place if you want to ignore your problems. Kinda… like Patton’s. In small doses, it helps you take care of yourself,” he turns back towards Janus and narrows his eyes. “But in Remus’ case, it’s just to throw him off and smother him with distractions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, that was just…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, so maybe he was right. Remus mostly went into Janus’ room just to ignore the world and all his thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What even would we talk about?” He asked slowly, thinking through his words for once in his life. He might as well try out this whole ‘talking things through’ shit. “Can’t say I know how to do that. I’m good at talking, but not about serious shit like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s the only thing we are good at!” Patton bounces in his spot with the most fake fucking smile Remus has ever seen. Even so, it’s contagious and he grins and bounces too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all sat on the couches again and talked. Janus for once, looked to be the odd one out in the group. Remus is pretty sure that he’s just stepping back because they all said that his way of helping Remus wasn’t exactly healthy. Remus didn’t blame him at all, of course. After the heavy conversation, he was more than willing to stay in Janus’ room forever and drown himself in distractions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really think I’m not terrible anymore?” he said to Janus after the conversation was long over with and they were relaxing on Remus’ couch. Remus had his hands busy with one of their many fidget toys, a little cube that he could fold and clack together in a satisfying and fast way. It was probably his favorite one because he has yet to find a way to break it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were never terrible in my eyes,” Janus says, one hand buried in Remus’ hair and the other holding his book in his hand. Remus looked up at his friend from where his head sat on his thigh. Janus smiled down at him. “I’m sorry you ever thought you were.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus shrugged. “It didn’t really affect me. I just thought that was what I was. Intrusive thoughts are bad, and that’s basically like, my whole deal, so I just accepted it as who I was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keyword here is was,” Janus raised an expected eyebrow at him, challenging him to say otherwise. Remus giggled and stuck his tongue out at him. “You don’t think that anymore do you? Otherwise you wasted an hour of my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t,” Remus laughed. “I don’t think I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus smiled, brushing little white hairs off his forehead with his gloved fingers. Remus loved Janus’ smile. It was a dorky little thing that not a lot of people saw. Tiny little snake fangs that Remus new for a fact were venomous. Boy, that was a fun Saturday night filled with Janus screaming at him and Remus tripping his balls off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. You know I love you right? We all do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gross,” Remus pretends to gag and Janus shoves his face away.</span>
</p>
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